Winter cleaning, or how I learned that vampirism could solve everything

I admit that I'm not the best at keeping this up and that this can be a problem since unmoderated blogs are prone to spam. Since I signed on tonight I decided to clean out the "send me your money and I'll save your life through the power of (insert something here)" spam. 

Then I saw the spam in response to my 2014 post about Fated, the vampire series that was accused of plagiarizing other work. I started deleting some of it, but I'm going to have to leave it up because it's just that freaking hilarious. I'd like to think that some of it is snark. With about 40+ comments that are almost entirely spam, I'd really like to assume it's snark. I'm going to leave the e-mails up on this because I figure that if you e-mail them seriously looking for vampirism, then it's on you for whatever else happens.

Yes, you read that right. When I came across it, I saw that it had 44 comments (I've deleted two). Only three of those (one of which is mine) are actually about the article. The others give off vague promises that you too can have a life of excitement and wealth as an undying bloodsucker. One of which even promises that you could accomplish this with just a mere "snack of my finger". 

You heard that right guys, all you need to do to gain immortality is bite off one of these guy's fingers. Brings a whole new perspective to the term "finger foods". 

Pictured here: a child achieving immortality and literally becoming a child of the night. (Image from Death and Taxes Magazine.)

That doesn't seem enticing? (I don't doubt you, because I'm pretty sure that this guy is a zombie trying to trick unsuspecting vampire wanna bes into joining Team Zombie.) Want something that actually seems like it'd be from a vampire? How about paying this person some money to (presumably) get a vial of blood in the mail? 

Seems legit. 

I'm sure that you'll likely get something from that, but it's probably not going to be vampirism. 

Not pictured here: diseases. 

There are others in the comments making similar promises, one of which swears that a hot Indian vampire transformed her into a being that requires no sex, which is good if you want to be a Masquerade vampire, but bad if you're hoping on having that hawt, hawt vampire sex that's so frequently depicted in various films and books. 

If you want to read the hilarity, you can do so here. I'll be disappointed if I don't get spam in this article's comments section promising me immortality in return for my bank account number or general cash transfer, to be honest.

Best Snark: iTunes Terms and Conditions: The Graphic Novel

In what's quite possibly the snarkiest thing ever created (lately, anyway), artist and writer Robert Sikoryak has made a graphic novel adaptation of iTunes's Terms & Conditions.

The end result is pretty snarky and probably one of the only ways you'll actually get me to read the entire thing, the South Park human centipede withstanding.

Seriously, I'd read it and write a book report in order to keep this from happening. 

You can read the piece in all of its glorious snark here. The piece has a mixture of art styles and as of this writing, he's still publishing new pages every day. It's supposed to be 94 pages and he's on page 58, so there's still more to be enjoyed.

Further reading:

• Comic artist repurposes iTunes' terms and conditions into graphic novel at The Guardian