This exists: Awful library books

Most of you probably already know this site. I recently came across it in my search for something funny to laugh at inbetween studying bouts. The website is called "Awful Library Books" and it's awesome. Here are some of my personal favorites:

Seriously, where is the market out there for satanic ritual abuse themed books? This is so weirdly specific that I can't help but laugh. What's funnier is that the School Library Journal actually reviewed this one. If you're curious about what the plot is, it's about a kid that goes to a daycare where she and other kids are abused in various different ways because their daycare workers are Satan worshippers. I'm waiting for the sequel: Let's Do Something Else: A child's book about getting abused by Elvis fanatics. I mean, the sky's the limit for how many very specific "abused by _____" books we can churn out. 

This one tickled my funny bone because of some of the claims: dogs eating food that humans could be eating? Tons of poop in the streets? I like to think that Iris wrote this while watching Lassie and clutching her pearls close to her chest. 

There is a market for animal autopsy books. After all, veterinary students have to start somewhere. I remember being interested in the field when I was about 7-8, an interest that stopped right about the time that one of my pets got hit by a car and almost all of the skin was ripped off its hindquarters. That was the moment I realized that it wasn't all giving cats medicine in droppers and telling its owner how cute their dog was. In any case, this book tries to make autopsy approachable for 10 year olds. How do they do that? By dissecting a teddy bear on the cover. The images within are a little more tame and actually pretty informative, but the horror of its cover will probably still cause someone's kid to get a nightmare or two. 

"Oh the lights still on, we're dancing/Yeah the floor is shaking/ In this disco heaven" For some reason I see Lady Gaga owning this book. This is actually pretty cool for the time period. It's kind of the equivalent of somebody's kid getting to have well, Lady Gaga played at their Bar/Bat Mitzvah rather than a more somber "punch and pie in the rec room with Auntie Bea" affair. 

Somewhere out there, there's likely nun porn with this title. It doesn't matter what the book is about, odds are that most of you looked at this title with today's mentality and snickered.

I actually remember when this one came out. The idea of putting out a children's book that deals with weight loss for kids is actually a fairly good idea. When you see kids walking around that are already clinically obese, that's an issue that goes beyond baby fat. There is a need for books that delicately approach the subject matter and point out healthy ways for kids to change their lifestyles in a way that's on their level. This isn't that book. No, from what I've seen of this book out there the book approaches this pretty poorly. Where it fails the most is that it treats weight loss as a magical cure for every problem out there. Maggie is teased pretty badly, but magically all of the bullying stops once she starts losing all the weight.  Not only that, but once the weight is gone Maggie becomes a star athlete and cures cancer. Basically, kids will be given this unrealistic expectation that everything gets better afterwards. It tries really hard, it ultimately falls short.